“Hey Brady”

This poem is from my upcoming book, Side 1/Side 2. The book comes out tomorrow! 

“What’s a haiku?”
5
7
5
Motherfucker
Easy one
I am the single greatest poet in this entire room.

“Okay cool,
so what’s a soliloquy?”
I adopt a blank stare
and my eyes roll back
and my mind becomes a bare room
with tumbleweeds billowing around it.

“I have no fucking idea,” I say.
“I thought you were some kind of poet?”
“Yeah, I am, but yeah, maybe it’s something to do with lines?”
“What about a limerick?”
“Definitely Irish, probably dirty.”
“That doesn’t sound like an official definition at all.”
“Hey go crack a fucking dictionary, I’m not a goddamn linguistic jukebox.”
“I just knew you claimed to be a poet.”

I am.
Proof:
This poem.

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