Weekly Exercises in Failure

Why is it that I need to see every work-week where I return on time
as a failure?
As if I didn’t do enough in my time off to stop this cycle
from starting all over again.

As if I am now doomed to return because I didn’t work hard enough
or didn’t accomplish enough
or do the right thing
or slept too much.

I seem to look at this morning and its routines
as the march a man who didn’t do enough
and is now condemned to pay the pride for his failure
by leaving his home
without goal or merit
to go to a place where neither will be found.

No wonder I can never find the groove
no wonder I can’t seem to get out of this
because just when I feel like I’m on the edge of
something
then I am yanked off stage by the cane of employment
knowing that once again
I didn’t pull it off.

Fuck.

Seriously, fuck.

I don’t want to go.

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