As I mentioned before, I am dismantling, rebuilding, and reviewing all of the albums on the Rolling Stone Magazine Top 50 of 2014 list.
The introduction to this process is here, and you should read it so that you can glimpse into my insanity:
What follows is the reviews for albums 39 – 30.
39.) Caribou – Our Love
What begins as an album that sounds like those kinds of amorphous non-distinctive, ambient records that you’d expect to hear in a hair salon, slowly morphs into an album you’d probably really enjoy listening to while doing all those cool drugs that people don’t invite me to do. However, I would imagine being on cool drugs would distract from the fact that all the songs sound the same though.
38.) Hurray for the Riff Raff – Small Town Heroes
I like folk music about as much as I like having my prostate checked by a pool cue. Something about banjos just makes me immediately want to check the fuck out of whatever I’m listening to. Maybe that makes me a child of the city, and not of some fucking windswept cabin somewhere, eating Granola, and talking about how bad the pipeline is. While listening to this record, I felt like I was permanently stuck at one of those gigs you get dragged to where everyone has a gross beard and hasn’t showered, and you throw some change into the band’s guitar cases just so you can get the fuck out of there.
37.) Benjamin Booker – Benjamin Booker
Yeah, it was okay I guess. I listened to the album the whole way through and would say I enjoyed that at least somebody is trying to do something different with the blues. However, when the album ended, the next one up in my iTunes was Big Black’s Songs About Fucking, which blew this album out of the water in like, thirty seconds of playtime. So it had that working against it.
36.) Alvvays – Alvvays
A whole new generation of Manic Pixie Dream Girls is being issued scarves and copies of this album. If you wanted to get up to date on the next album you’ll be listening to on long walks in the rain and all that other bullshit, then pick this up. Lucky for you, it’s actually a pretty good listen.
35.) Lenny Kravitz – Strut
Every song on this album sounds like a song you would hear playing in the transition scenes on bad network TV. Lenny Kravitz is no longer relevant, and all of these songs sucked. Hey Lenny, the next time you want to just try and rip off every song on “Some Girls” by the Stones, please remember that “Some Girls” was fucking great, and didn’t suck unending amounts of ass. This shit was almost unlistenable.
34.) Prince – Art Official Age
It’s interesting that a Prince album comes right after ol’ Lenny Kravitz. Because Lenny wants to be Prince so bad it probably keeps him up at night in whatever immaculate Paris apartment he lives in. The only difference is, while Lenny Kravitz is spending all of his time singing about fucking, Prince is busy actually fucking.
33.) The Ghost of a Saber Tooth Tiger – Midnight Sun
If I wanted to listen to the Beatles, I’d go and listen to the fucking Beatles. I have a feeling that the only reason that this album is even on the list is because Sean Lennon had a famous dad, a dad who was a gigantic piece of shit. We should probably feel sorry for him, I do feel sorry for him, which I why I listened to his psychedelic whatever rock record that he made with his girlfriend.
There is no chance that anyone would give this record a chance unless it was made by John Lennon’s kid, and I think even Sean Lennon knows that the reason people are sifting through his acid-washed sludge and calling it brilliant is because he slapped on a pair of round glasses and gave everyone a nostalgia boner.
It’s not unlistenable, it’s not even bad, it’s just bullshit.
32.) Damon Albran – Everyday Robots
The dude from Blur and the Gorillaz makes an album of music that’s worse than output from both of those bands. I listened to the whole thing, but I don’t think I could tell you a single thing about it, I just felt a whole bunch of nothing and I have a sinking feeling that that was the whole point of the album. Maybe I was just hungry.
31.) Young Thug and Bloody Jay – Black Portland
A rap mix tape that sounded trippier than anything I’ve heard since I bought that ASAP Rocky album. Which is to say it sounded great. Once again though, I think it’s on the list to round out another 10 entries with a hip-hop Album.
30.) Thom Yorke – Tomorrows Modern Boxes
While it certainly isn’t as good the lazy-eyed alt-god’s main band, there is something to be said for this record’s quality. I listened to it late at night, in the haze of a whiskey buzz, and it was the perfect soundtrack. I’m actually a little surprised nobody seemed to notice this album being released. You’d think anything associated with Radiohead would break the Internet or whatever the kids these days now say.
Maybe that’s it, all the kids are listening to other things now, and Radiohead isn’t as cool as they once were, except to that one overly weird dude on Rolling Stone’s staff, who refuses to let the band die in his heart, and still wears his OK Computer t-shirt to work every single day.